


Computer Love

by rocky_flintstone



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-21
Updated: 2012-04-21
Packaged: 2017-11-04 02:14:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocky_flintstone/pseuds/rocky_flintstone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who says you can't feel something real for someone you never met?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Computer Love

**Author's Note:**

> Still working on the next part to IWACIY but this idea didn't wanna leave.

\------------

_i'm sure you're better than you think you are_

Rachel smiles, the collar of her shirt stuck between her teeth as she types out her response.

_Really? What makes you so sure?_

The right hand corner of her screen says it's 3:58 AM and she still has to get up in about three hours but she can't seem to get sleepy. Truth be told, sleep was depending on the status of this conversation. 

_just a hunch ;)_

_I'd call you impressive but stroking your ego might not be best_

_hm, i've got other things you can stroke_

Crossing her legs over (again), she gasps a quiet giggle. It's been about two weeks of this. This heavily flirty talk with this stranger over the internet. She's never really done this before and honestly, she can't even really pinpoint where it all started but Rachel engaging in this kind of conversation with someone behind a screen isn't the surprising part. 

This particular someone is another girl. Surprise. 

_Hahaha, I'm sure you do. And knowing you, whatever body part I'd touch would lead to even dirtier scenarios in your mind :p_

_I never mentioned anything about body parts ;) but it's nice to see where your head's at_

_Just further proof that I've been talking to you too much. You've corrupted me_

It's true. Rachel wouldn't say she's not a flirtatious girl but it never comes out quite as easily as it has with this girl. Granted there's the added comfort of there being miles and screens between them. 

_don't act like you don't love it._

Her teeth are gnawing on the collar of her shirt. She presses her tongue slightly against it, just enough to wet the tip of the rough cotton. That smile on her face? It's growing without her meaning it to. 

_I haven't complained yet_

It's not even like she's trying to be this flirtatious. It's just kind of coming out on it's own. She'd never be so forward in person. The anonymity of the internet enables her let this-- side of her come out. 

_and you never will when it comes to me_

She giggles to herself, rolling her neck as she brings up her hand to massage one of her shoulders. This girl is just… how can someone be so attractive without a face? 

Well, that's not true. Rachel knows her face (and her name; Santana)-- she sent a couple of pictures of herself pretty early on in their initial conversations and truth be told, she's gorgeous. She sent one of her looking as natural as ever, laying in bed no doubt taken from her macbook. Her hair was tied up in a messy ponytail, a grey Columbia sweatshirt on and what Rachel could only interpret as the sexiest smirk on her face.

The other was of her pre-party, where she's with a group but no one else can even come close in comparison to how she looks. She was just standing there, stealing every bit of attention, wearing a tight stripped mini dress on with a dark navy blazer and flesh colored pumps. When she first saw it, a part of Rachel was completely fixated on how cute her outfit was and how it complimented her so well. 

You know, the part that wasn't making her heart race faster. 

This whole attraction has been sort of a new occurrence, in all honesty. Being raised by two men definitely has influenced how she views certain things like sexuality and love. She's had boyfriends since she was sixteen and never really considered girls an option until now. 

It's not like there was some kind of epiphany that led to her suddenly finding women appealing, it just sort of happened.

She has yet to really act on it (she's not even sure if there's anything to act on). Besides, it's not as if she'a actually contemplating doing anything with anyone so far. Truth is, so far this attraction hasn't been anything more than superficial. 

Talking with Santana, though, feels a little more than superficial. The more she talks to the girl, the more things she finds she likes about her. 

_You sound so sure_

_want me to prove it to you?_

This girl is too charming sometimes. It's dangerous.

_I don't know. I don't like to be proven wrong_

_then stop making wrong assumptions ;)_

She giggles to herself. She's been doing that a lot these past two weeks. 

_My assumptions are never wrong! You just always think you're right :p_

It's true. Just talking to her for a few days and Rachel can already tell they'd bump heads more times than not. 

_that's because i am, babe._

Santana's cockiness is just as much of a turn on as her flirtatious attitude. And that's saying something. If she's honest, there were a couple times earlier in the week where Rachel had to take a shower after one of their talks. It wasn't like they were talking explicitly but it'd become a trend of theirs to speak in euphemisms. These nightly discussions started slowly becoming a sort of mental foreplay all on their own.

A secondary sort of stimulation.

_Hm. Well I'm just going to be the bigger person this time and let you believe that lie for now even though it's utterly wrong, hahaha_

_you do that and i'll let you live in this delusion that you're completely straight_

And then there's that. 

_Oh, who's living in the delusion now? :)_

_who's the one engaging in verbal foreplay every night with another girl? ;)_

_Takes two to tango_

_and like I told you before- whenever you wanna dance with me, just say the word. i'm more than equipped to show you some good moves_

_Hahaha, I'm sure you are_

Something's shooting up from the pit of her stomach to her heart and back down. She has a pretty good idea of what it is but saying it outloud only makes it real. 

_you'll be begging me soon enough_

Rachel won't deny that part of the thrill of all this is how much Santana seems to want her, even if it's in a playful way. The fact that she wants her without knowing what she looks like only adds to the excitement. 

(Rachel's never been the type to be so forward with her pictures on the internet. She knows how easily they can be spread around and with her promising future, having tidbits of her life floating all over the internet before it's time isn't what she wants.)

_I'm not in the habit of begging_

_trust me, you'll enjoy begging for me_

A statement Rachel was starting to really believe.

\------------

Wanting to get your foot in the door on Broadway is never, ever an easy task. Something Rachel knows full well and is easily prepared for. Which is why as soon as she was accepted into The New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts, she applied for an internship at every agency in the city. It wasn't an easy step but ultimately she found a paid internship at The New York Theatre Workshop. 

The only thing she could do with more of right now is sleep. And now, that's also depending on someone else. 

Luckily today, she's not traveling much. She's attending three cold readings and assisting as a reader for potential casting potentials. Her hope is that after a bit, one of the theatre producers, preferably Mr. Luvitz, will see her extreme talent and be undoubtedly impressed with all her abilities. 

It's not every day you encounter a reader with her acting prowess and voice. 

This reading was for some new Off-Off-Broadway play that was pretty much just a modem day version of Beauty & the Beast. Figures Disney would infiltrate even the lesser venues. 

"Ready, Rach?" Todd, the director, called behind his desk. He's actually a pretty young guy, maybe 28 or so, and this is his first big production since college. She appreciates that about him because most directors have a certain air about them as if they're the biggest and best gift to the dramatic arts. Todd was still young and humble enough to remember how it feels to be trying to make it. 

"Yeah. Yes." She says, smiling up at him as she takes her seat at around the table. 

Taking a quick look through the short script, she prepares herself. It might be a cold reading but that doesn't mean _she_ has to be cold.

"Samantha, whenever you're ready." 

Glancing to her right, Rachel takes a short breath. This girl with long, dark hair and tanned skin sits there next to her, her lips carrying the hint of a smile. She nods towards Rachel, silently asking if she's ready, to which Rachel just smiles back and they all start. 

It's not her fault if she slips up one, two, or maybe five times as she reads her lines.

\------------

_I met your twin today_

Rachel takes a sip a wine as she brings her legs up, crossing them under her laptop as it sits on her thighs. Her TV's playing in the background. 

_oh yeah? was she as hot as the original?_

Chuckling softly, she starts typing. 

_If I told you she was, would you believe me?_

_no, because i'd know you were lying_

_Luckily for me then, I was_

No need to keep carrying out a lie she knows neither of them believe. 

Someone's absolutely murdering one of her favorite Kelly Clarkson songs on The Voice and thankfully, Christina's saying everything that needs to be said. 

_now if only you'd stop lying to yourself ;)_

_And what am I lying to myself about?_

_about how good you know our impending hookup would be ;)_

The collar of her shirt was getting wet as she chewed down, her fingers playing with it against her lips. There were so many things she could say but now that it's on her mind, the idea of them together doesn't look or sound bad in any way in her head. 

_Who said I was lying to anyone about that? :p_

\------------

Mike's been her best friend ever since they randomly ran into each about a year ago. She knew he was LA bound after high school so seeing him in New York was a welcome surprise. 

Especially since she'd been feeling pretty lonely at the time. It's hard to make friends when you're busy for most hours of the day. 

Rachel's sitting on his couch, waiting for him to finish getting ready. It's a strange gender swap between them seeing as she ends up waiting for him to finish getting dressed more times than he does for her. 

He walks out to the living room, his unbuttoned shirt flowing around him as he walks. 

"Ok, which do you like more? This," he pulls up a solid blue shirt, "or this?"

Making a face, she nods. "Definitely the one in your hand."

He makes quick work of switching shirts. As he buttons down she takes the opportunity to check her phone. There was an email from Santana sitting in her inbox. The smile that flashes on her face is completely involuntary. 

_i'm sitting in an art gallery, bored as fuck, thinking about how much more of these ritzy douchebags i'll have to charm before i can go_

_you?_

Her giggle prompts Mike to round the couch as he tucks his fastens his belt. 

"Woah, I haven't seen you smile that hard since high school." He tries to peek over to see what's on her screen. "You have a new boyfriend you haven't told me about?"

She scoffs playfully. "No, Mike. It's just a funny text a friend sent me."

He shrugs his shoulders and fixes his collar. "Ready." 

"Yeah, in a second." She's typing out her response, her smile widening as she clicks send. When she reaches for her bag by the door and casts a glance at Mike, he's got an amused look on his face. "What?"

He shrugs again, holding the door open for her. "No, nothing."

They walk in comfortable silence until he bumps her shoulder with his and smirks down at her. His arm drapes over her shoulder as they walk down the block towards the subway.

\------------

Ok, Rachel really doesn't have any problem with being looked at, it's when she's being _stared_ at that she feels uncomfortable. And that girl, Samantha, from her workshop is starting to really make her feel self conscious by how much she keeps staring at her. 

But as with everything else, Rachel's going to turn this into a productive exercise for the future because after she wins her first Tony, this kind of recognition is going to be a common everyday thing. 

Like the paparazzi. 

_I don't quite know what to do about this issue at work_

_tell 'em to go fuck themselves_

Her own laugh catches her off guard. She gets a few looks as she walks down the street towards Central Park.

_I'll make sure to keep that in mind for the future. But this particular issue has to deal with just one person_

_what's the prob?_

She only stops typing to check that she won't get hit by a rogue runner. They sometimes have an aggressive way of running so she always makes sure to be on the lookout when she's walking in the park. 

_This girl at work keeps staring at me and making me uncomfortable_

Rachel reaches the Great Lawn before she gets a text back which seems like a pretty long lapse in between but she's not about to start making any kind of assumptions. 

_do i need to stake claim? ;)_

"Hey Rach! Over here." Looking up, she sees Kurt waving her over. 

_haha, tempting :) but I don't know if it's that kind of problem_

_if she's anything like me, it's exactly that kind of problem_

Reaching Kurt, and his new boyfriend Dylan, she takes a spot on the blanket he's laid out under a tree. She clicks her phone off and decides not to read too much into words she doesn't know the significance of. The three of them go on watching the amateur baseball game going on in front of them. 

\------------

"I think I like someone."

Picking up some celery, Mike drops them in the cart they're wheeling through the Whole Foods in his neighborhood.

"You think? You're not sure?"

Rachel's standing behind the cart, decidedly looking everywhere else. "I don't know if it's just a puppy crush or if I actually like them."

"What's the difference? You only crush on people you like, right?" He grabs a few carrots and a head of lettuce.

"Because--I tend to have bad luck with crushes, remember. And if I like them, I'm not sure what it means. "

He grabs some more celery stalks, dumping them in one of the plastic bags by the produce section. "It just means you like them, Rach."

The way he says it sounds so nonchalant and definite. It eases a little bit of her worry. It's not like she doesn't want to like Santana but liking someone she's only communicated with online still seems sort of silly to her. And there's the whole issue of her being a girl which is something Rachel's never encountered. 

Does this make her bisexual or--? 

When she looks down at the cart, there's five bags filled with just celery. "Why are you buying so much celery?"

She legitimately has never seen Mike blush this much. "Oh, um, Puck told me about something about eating celery that-- do you really wanna know?"

Waving her hand in front of him, she wheels the cart away. "I guess not."

\------------

_One of these days, I might just invite you over so I can cook you an actual meal since you seem so averse to cooking_

_if you're inviting me over, food isn't exactly what i plan to eat_

It's when she says things like that that really make Rachel realize just how easily she's fallen in like with this girl. 

_Well I can tell you that **that** won't be on the menu :p_

_we'll see ;)_

A part of her knows that this attraction she feels has a lot to do with the amount of attention Santana's giving her. It's been a while since she's had anyone look or talk to her like this (well maybe not _exactly_ like this) and she's relishing in it. But that's not the only reason and she knows it. 

_besides, it's not like i'm opposed to cooking. i'm actually a great cook, i just want my food already made and prompt_

_Oh, so you're just lazy :) However do you maintain such a pressing sex life if you're so lazy?_

Yes, they've talked about sex before.

_trust me, babe, i'm never lazy when it comes to sex_

_Empty promises don't appeal to me_

She's pushing her own boundaries but it just feels natural. 

_i'm committing this to memory so when we do hookup, i'll prove it to you_

The timer on her banana bread rings. Putting her laptop on the center table in front of her couch, Rachel walks to her oven. She let's the bread cool on her stove before pouring herself a glass of water, taking sips as she walks back to the living room. 

_There's quite a bit you seem to want to prove to me lately_

_you took a little while there. i was starting to think you were preoccupied with your thoughts ;)_

_Oh, no, hahaha. I had to pop out one of the dishes I'll no doubt serve you one day_

_one of the many_

Her heart flutters in her chest. There's this small temptation rising in her gut to give Santana her address and see if she'd actually come. But she's not stupid. 

\------------

It's one of those ridiculously random hot days in the middle of April which makes spring so appealing. Rachel calls Kurt and they take a stroll through Union Square. He offers to buy her a smoothie from Jamba Juice. So they're walking through the park, sipping on their matching Caribbean Passion smoothies as he fans himself with his lace hand fan. 

"How did you know you were gay?"

Kurt blows out a hot breath, fans himself a little more, and takes a sip of his smoothie. "How do you know you're straight?"

She's stuck for an answer. But then again, this is why she asked. 

"I _don't_ know."

He turns toward her and she can see him out of the corner of her eye but she doesn't turn to him. 

"Who is she?" The smirk in his voice is enough to make her wish she hadn't had said anything but it does feel good to get it out. Almost like the knot in her chest is unraveling, just not quite. 

"She's--" As much as she'd like to tell him everything, she doesn't feel like being judged on the fact that she's feeling something for someone she's never officially met. "it's this girl from the workshop who I've been talking to for a few weeks now. And…"

Kurt dips his head in front of her, blocking her line of vision. "And you like her?"

Her mouth closes a few times before she can find the right answer in her. "Yeah, I do. I never thought I'd be so attracted to another woman but--"

"But you _like_ her." He repeats. She nods, taking a seat on the steps facing Broadway. 

"Do I need to give you a rundown of the many levels of gay culture or have you already been given a lesson?"

It might be all these late night talks with Santana that has her questioning the double meanings of the things people say to her but she's, again, not going to try and decipher some kind of hidden meaning right now. (She will later, no doubt.)

"I know what being gay means, Kurt. You've met my dads--"

"Tell them I loved the angora sweater they sent me for my birthday, by the way."

She continues without interruption. "It's just that I don't know what this means for _me_." He looks at her, confused. "Am I gay now? Am I bisexual? Am I anything? Nothing's actually happened between us, we're just talking and I don't want to read too much into words that could just be said innocently."

Kurt takes a long sip of his smoothie which must be watered down by now. "If you have to ask whether or not it's innocent, chances are it's not."

Maybe innocent isn't the right word, because there isn't anything innocent about the Santana she's been talking to for the past few weeks. Maybe the right word is, indicative."But what if it is? What if I'm just making this up in my head and she's just flirting because she's a flirt and I'm an easy option?"

"Rachel, it's always in your head. Doesn't make it unreal." He says as he checks his phone and rolls his eyes. She spends the rest of the day thinking about that. 

\------------

_i cut ties with my regulars_

_Started getting too attached?_

_please, none of them would ever make my coveted list as potential girlfriend_

Rachel's heart is hammering in her chest. 

_So why break hearts? Oops, I mean ties :)_

That little cloud on her screen indicating that Santana's typing a message never made her this nervous. There's a hole wearing through the collar of her shirt from how much she bites down on it. It's wedged between her teeth and her tongue keeps flicking it lightly as she waits for Santana's response. 

_haha, i don't break too many hearts._

_I have a sneaky suspicion you do. You just don't realize it_

_hm. it's not something i set out to do. i'm just tired of random hookups and being with girls who're as expendable as a pair of panties_

They've had a few deep conversations before but this is the first Santana's initiated which makes Rachel wonder why she even thought of it. This trend of Rachel not wanting to read too much into anything this girl says is becoming tiring. Sometimes, like now, she wants a definite answer to her questions-- without actually having to ask them.

_So you're looking for a girlfriend? Shouldn't that be easy for you?_

_it's easy to find somebody to sleep with. it's hard to find somebody to wake up next to_

_Be careful, that sounded like it could be misconstrued as romantic :p_

_i have my moments_

Why does everything this girl say make Rachel like her that much more?

_Well if it counts for anything, I think it's good that you're looking to settle down. Maybe you might even find love, who knows?_

_it counts_

\------------

Rachel's coming out of her workshop after one of her most stressful weeks to date. She's had more work than she knows what to do with which is why she's hardly even been online for most of it. Santana has texted her here and there during the week, their conversations haven't lasted all that long seeing as they're both pretty busy. 

It might be weird to think but she misses them talking. 

That's what she's thinking when she pops into the bar Mike text her the address to an hour ago. The bouncer hands back her I.D. before stamping her hand and opening the door for her. 

She finds him easily, sitting at the booth next to the bar with a couple of people she recognizes-- his dancing entourage. 

"Hey! Sorry, I'm late."

Mike pushes a shot glass towards her on the table. "No biggie, we just got here too. Drink up!" 

Without another word, she knocks back the shot, grimaces when it burns the back of her tongue and blazes its way down her throat. The lime wedge on the dish at the middle of the table looks like heaven when she sucks down on it. 

Tiffany, one of the girls at the table, starts laughing and mentioning how she needs a whole round of shots tonight. Rachel always feels so badly for her because every time they see each other, she has some new woeful story about some jerk she's dating. 

This time it's about some guy who she knew for a long time but never actually dated. They started talking again recently and he seemed like a good option, even offered to bring her on vacation with him to the Dominican Republic. It wasn't until the day before their flight that he just abruptly cancels everything without giving her a reason, after she took a week off work and school in order to go with him. 

Needless to say, they're all taking a shot on her behalf. 

She excuses herself and heads over to the bathroom. There's a few girls in the bathroom waiting for their turn, seeing as there's only two stalls. A few noises are coming from one of the stalls and she can see two pairs of feet under the door. When it opens, two girls walk out, one of them wiping her lips as the other steps from behind her, smirking to herself. 

Rachel passes them again when she's leaving the bathroom, this time they're pressed against the wall, talking rather closely. 

Without looking, she bumps into something hard and stumbles back but a pair of hands wrap around her arms holding her steady.

"Oh, hey. You okay?"

She's fine, just a little embarrassed. "I'm fine, thanks." She smiles bashfully up at him. His warm, lopsided smile makes her smile widen. His hands haven't let her go, either, but she doesn't mind so much right now. 

"I'd say I'm sorry but you bumping into me might just be the highlight of my night." 

For some reason, Santana pops into Rachel's mind. She pushes the thought away as she switches her weight on each leg. 

"You were having that much fun so far?" 

He's the first person she's ever met with grey eyes. It suits him, especially with his dark hair falling over his eyes like that. "I am now." His hands let her go before he offers one up for her to shake. "Alex."

She takes his hand. "Rachel."

"So, Rachel," his voice drops when he says her name, "can I get you a drink?"

Turning quickly towards Mike's booth, she sees Tiffany and Jenny looking back, knowing smirks on their faces. 

"Um, sure. Yeah."

They stand there smiling at each other for another beat before walking over to the bar. She decides to ignore the slight gnaw in her chest. 

\------------

_I won't lie, I do like playing matchmaker sometimes. I just don't like when people try to match me up_

_i hate it either way. if i like somebody, i'm more than capable of using my mouth_

Her eyebrow raises as she smiles to herself. It's become official, Santana has succeeding in corrupting her mind. 

_That's pretty forward of you_

_didn't mean it like that, smartass, but good on you for having a dirty mind, heh_

_Further proof we talk way too much_

_even more proof that you love it since you never complain_

There's a rerun of Smash playing on her TV in the background. Katherine McPhee's voice isn't the best she's ever heard but there's something about it that Rachel loves. It's soothing, in a way. It doesn't stop her from always singing each song after the episode finishes and proving to herself how much better she could be if she was cast on the show. 

_Anyway, :p, did one of your friends try to set you up on a date after you broke the news that you're no longer a "player"_

_haha you're cute_

She shouldn't be smiling this hard from such a generic compliment. 

_but in a nutshell, yeah. they hooked me up with some psycho who thought "looking for a girlfriend" meant "getting married and renting a u-haul" or some shit_

_Oh, my, hahaha. Poor you_

_yeah, which is why i told my friends to fuck off with their cupid skills, or lack there of_

Rachel knows that feeling all too well. Mike once tried to get her on a date with one of his dancing buddies. Needless to say, that didn't pan out so well. Or at all.

_Why's it so hard to find someone worthwhile?_

_idk, when you find out, lemme know_

_I'll make sure to send it to you. But you can't deny, some of the fun is in the chase_

_of course the chase is fun. who wants to be with something easy? it's when the chase doesn't end up in anything that makes everything feel like it wasn't worth it_

_True. But when you do find something worth while, it's makes everything so worth the wait_

_i always forget about how much of a hopeless romantic you are_

_I feel like I have to be or else, everything seems rather pointless_

It's true. It's why she's so passionate in every aspect of her life. If she doesn't believe in a happy ending, then everything just becomes much more destitute. 

_i don't say this to too many people but, i hope you get your happy ending someday_

It feels like her heart is thumping throughout her whole body right now. She's breathing shallowly as she types. 

_Thank you :). I guarantee you will too someday_

\------------

Alex calls her on a Thursday and asks if she'd like to get something to eat. She accepts and says she'll meet him at the restaurant. He shows up outside her workshop (she told him where she worked a few days ago) and said he was trying to be a "gentleman" and pick her up for their date.

She didn't think of this as a date but now, it's kind of all she can mentally refer to it as.

"So, what's the catch?" 

"Um."

His smiles always come off as warm and in the slightly dim lighting of this place, it almost glows. 

"You're unbelievably pretty, smart, nice. Why am I not fighting off a mile long parade of guys to go out with you?"

She giggles, unfolding her napkin and delicately laying it on her lap. Normally a question like that would bother her but she can tell he was being genuine.

"Well, I'm incredibly busy which limits my time severely. And I'm still on the quest to find true love which apparently scares most people."

Yes, she's being vague and she won't specify by classifying a gender or use pronouns. 

"I guess I'm an exception then." His eyes seem to be smiling over his dinner menu. Rachel doesn't even try to stop the blush creeping on her cheeks. 

"I guess you are. Which would make me ask you, what's the catch?"

He chuckles softly before taking a sip of water that was just poured by their waiter. 

"No catch. Just… not that interested in getting caught up in bullshit which makes me undateable to every girl in the tri-state area."

The smile she gives him is the most genuine one she's given all day. Raising her glass of water, "Cheers to us."

He clinks his glass against hers, peering over the rim as he takes a drink. 

"Are you dating around?"

"Uh--" She's a bit stuck for an answer. "I'd… say no."

His laugh breaks through his smirk. "Took a little long with that one."

She blinks at him. "There's a potential someone but nothing's set in stone. We're still in the beginning stages of getting to know each other."

He nods slowly, smile still very much in tact. "Ahh."

Rachel knows just how vague and misleading that sounded but it wasn't a lie. He doesn't have to know that he's not the person she had in mind when she said it. 

\------------

_I'm so bored_

_you should daydream about what you'd rather be doing. or who ;)_

_That would just leave me feeling… unsatisfied_

_depends on who you're daydreaming about_

_Is this your subtle way of suggesting I fantasize about you while at work?_

_you're starting to learn how to speak "santana"_

_I just know how your perverted mind works by now_

_i'm always here to lend you a helping hand. in any aspect you need_

_I might just take you up on that offer some day_

_just name the time or place_

Rachel gets a picture message a few minutes later of Santana blowing her a kiss. The text that came with it reads _just in case you need a point of reference ;)_

She's so tempted to take and send a picture back but what would she do? This also makes her realize that Santana's never actually seen Rachel. 

Which means that if what she's feeling for this girl is mutual, it's more than just a physical attraction.

\------------

Her mind can't seem to leave the thought of Santana's lips or of Santana kissing her way down Rachel's neck, sucking down on her pulse while her thumb traces the underside of her breast.

She ends up leaving work a bit early today.

\------------

_I met someone_

_oh?_

Rachel doesn't know why she's telling her this but she doesn't want to keep anything from this girl. She already felt guilty enough having gone on that date, and two more after. 

And is it just in her twisted mind or does she read disappointment in Santana's response?

_It's nothing serious. It's nothing, really. Just a couple of dates with this guy I met a couple of weeks ago._

_cool_

Her one word responses are making Rachel nervous. 

_Are you okay?_

_yeah, i'm good. it's good that you met someone, hopefully he'll know how to use what his momma gave him, haha_

Making jokes is a good sign, right? Seems like a good sign. Even if it's at the expense of her previous boyfriends who, Rachel mentioned to Santana in one of their early conversations, never could satisfy her without her instruction or maneuvering. 

_hahaha I doubt it'll even get that far._

_why's that?_

_I don't know. Who knows what the future holds_

_indeed_

\------------

"How're things going with your lady love?"

Rachel rolls her eyes as she weaves through the crowd in Time Square. She could just take the train to Columbus Circle but that'll be just as congested as it is up here. Besides it's a beautiful day out so why not walk?

"She's not my love, Kurt." She says lowly to her phone.

"I'm sorry, your lady _like_."

Sighing, because he'll never change, she goes on. "They're going fine. I haven't spoken to her in a few days which is-- well it's not normal . For us at least."

"Oh, there's an 'us' now?"

"Could you please be serious for one second?"

"Fine." She can practically hear him pursing his lips through the phone. "What's happened?"

Finally finding a clearing, she stops power walking and is only about two blocks away from the circle. 

"I don't know. I told her I met someone--"

"You met someone? Girl or guy?"

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it does. If you met a girl, then she feels she has a chance at least. A guy and she's no doubt thinking you're just a regular straight girl seeking attention."

…Oh. That never crossed her mind. And it makes all sense in the world. 

"But I'm not seeking attention!" She says, panicked for some reason. 

"I know that. She doesn't."

\------------

The next time they speak, it's Rachel who initiates the conversation. She hasn't seen Santana online in a week and their text conversations end shortly. She text the girl to come on later on, saying she thinks she might miss her, as crazy as that sounds. Hopefully with the air of it being a joke means Santana won't read too much into it. 

_hey_

_Hey, stranger. How've you been?_

_pretty good. i've been working a little overtime and spending some time with friends who apparently threatened me to come out with them_

_That sounds fun :)_

There's this small bit of relief that relaxes over her. For some reason, she'd built it up in her mind to think Santana was avoiding her which is ludicrous. 

_it has been. plus i've been going on a couple of dates and i think i met somebody i like_

_Oh?_

Oh. 

The disappointment that just landed on her chest like an anvil is making it hard to breathe. 

_yeah, it's nothing big yet but she's cute and hot and so unlike the other girls i've met_

Rachel's head dips back and falls on the couch. Her chest feels like someone's pushing through it. "So unlike the other girls I've met…" Rachel can't stop herself from thinking she's included in that unfortunate bunch. 

_That's good, Santana. I'm happy for you :) You deserve to be happy_

_thanks babe_

\------------

They haven't spoken in three days. Both of them have been online but for whatever reason, neither of them have sent a message. 

Rachel's had her status as _away_ for longer than she's ever had before. 

Their texts have been fewer and farther in between but they've kept in contact at least which Rachel is happy about but she won't deny it hurts to have something ripped away so quickly. Thinking about Santana and this unnamed girl together seems to be haunting her thoughts for as long as they've spent without speaking. She's tried to keep herself preoccupied so she doesn't get lost in her own-- well, her sadness. 

It might be stupid that she's feeling so sad over this when realistically, they were nothing. They never even met before. They were nothing but screen names to each other but she can't help what she feels. 

So Rachel's just left now with the prospect of what could've been.

\------------


End file.
